THIS WEEK'S ADVICE
We answer the questions in the order in which they were received.
We provide orientation on different matters, mind, body and spirit, but we don't offer medical advice
If you are a victim of sexual, physical or emotional abuse, please visit:
Shelter for abused women
Life is precious. If you're depressed to the point that you've had suicidal ideation, please visit this website where you can find different resources to assist you:
Suicide hot line
Ringing in the ears
I have a high-pitched sound in my ears (like crickets in the distance), mostly in my right ear. Lately, it has gotten much worse. It wakes me up at night and it is hard to go back to sleep. Also, it does not matter where I am - home or someplace else. I had a hearing test a few months ago and was told that my hearing was "normal". I tried cleaning my ears out with peroxide (old childhood remedy) and that did not help. I have considered ear candling, but read many warnings online about it. Any suggestions?
Randi
Dear Randi:
What you're describing seems to be what in medical terms is known as tinnitus and it's not a disease but a symptom. Many are the causes of this symptom, ranging from ear infections to acustic nerve damage induced by noise. It is of common occurrence with aging. It would be advisable to visit a specialist in hearing aids. They perform tests such as an audiogram and they can also offer some solutions such as a little device that inserted into your external ear will generate a "white noise" to alleviate the nuisance of the undesirable noise (it reduces the interference level of the tinnitus). You can search one of these devices online:
http://www.hansaton.de/en/products/tinnitus-technology/waveR/
Hypnotherapy has work for some people as well as some vitamin complex that you can find at any health food store.
An abusive boyfriend
Dear Silvia:
My boyfriend is extremely jealous. He wants to know everything about me, including where I am at all times. I have reduced my social life. I don't visit my family as often as I used to. He calls me at work, he doesn't approve of my friends and gets very angry when I do not agree with him on any subject. We've been together for two years and I truly love him. I haven't given him any reason to be jealous. What can I do to appease him, to improve this relationship? We quarrel all the time.
Arlene
Dear Arlene:
Please change the question. What pleasure do you find staying in a relationship where you cannot be yourself, where you're not appreciated? Love is not all it takes to make thinks work.
You need to do nothing to appease or please him. One should be loved for what one is. He seems to be a very controlling, abusive person. Abuse is almost entirely about control. It is an immature reaction to life circumstances. To the abuser, nothing exists outside himself. Meaningful others are mere extensions of himself, like an arm or a leg. He's is incapable of empathy or real love.
Look for these characteristics that define an abusive person:
* He is unpredictable
* His reactions are disproportionate
* He critizes mostly everything what you do or think
* He behaves as if he knows everything about you
* He engineers difficult situations in which he is sorely needed
* He uses others (your family, your close friends) to influence your decisions
* He fosters an atmosphere of fear, intimidation, instability, unpredictability and irritation.
With time, the person who lives in an abusive relationship loses self-esteem and starts to wonder what has she done wrong, what should she change... that is a dangerous sign that the abuser has you under control.
Please look for advice and support from a professional counselor. Shelters for abused women are full of resources to orient you and help you recover your old self.
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